When you were younger, an angel, a cherub

You may have heard a story, whilst lying in your bed,

Of three little pigs and a great big baddy,

A wolf, for whom things always ended badly.

 

But now you are older, and perhaps not an angel,

You're ready for the truth, not that made up fable.

As there was one little detail the adults always changed,

With the facts of the story neatly rearranged.

 

To make you believe that the pigs won the day

So you could end the story with a 'hip, hip, hooray!'

But the truth of the matter is they weren't saved by bricks,

Though the other parts were true about the straws and the twigs

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The third little pig wasn't as bright as you thought

There is no way in the world that he had ever been taught

To make his house out of sensible stuff

Your parents were fibbing, They were calling your bluff.

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What the third piggy did really beggars belief

As he tried to construct not with bricks, but a leaf.

Well in fairness to him it was more than just one

But the construction of the third house never began.

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Instead the third piggy saw that leaves were all strewn,

So he created a pile of them using a broom.

So when the wolf blew down the straw and twigs

Along came running the first two pigs,

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Only to find their bro's porky bottom

Protruding from the leaves, not a sight they've forgotten.

As upon this very sight pig one said to two

"I'm not hiding in there!" and off all three flew.

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And ran right away from the big bad beast

To avoid becoming a sausagy feast.

And so this is how our friends were found 

Living on the streets of old London Town.

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And instead of becoming a warm roasted banquet

They lived like frozen food,  three piggies in blankets.

For as winter drew nearer and the wind became fresher

The three little pigs were all under pressure

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To find a solution to their living arrangement

As you get such a back ache from sleeping on pavement.

When from around the next corner they heard a small groan

Of a sweet little girl who was all on her own.

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A little girl in tears, who cried as she stood

Shivering and cold wearing a bright red hood.

"My dear," said the pigs, "Oh why so sad?"

"Oh what shall I do?" said Red, "Its so very bad."

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"I was in the woods, and visiting my gran

When something horrible happened, so I turned and I ran.

And I ended up here where I'm sleeping rough

With only a hood for protection. Its not nearly enough!"

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Said pigs, "Tell us more, what did you see?"

"I saw the big bad wolf eating Granny!"

"The wolf!", cried a pig, "we know that rotter!"

"Something has to be done!" he said stamping his trotter.

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And just as he said this another noise came,

The sound of children from just down the lane.

It was the old woman who had lived in a shoe

With so many children, she didn't know what to do.

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"I've been kicked out, evicted, given 'the boot',

By my horrible landlord, a wolf in a suit.

And so now we are homeless, oh what should I do?"

"The wolf!" said the pigs, "So he's bullied you too!"

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"Well its getting quite late, so lets get some sleep

We make up a some beds using newspaper sheets".

And as they were busy making their beds

The girl jumped up in surprise and suddenly said,

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"My Granny's house, it's here in the paper for sale!"

(And this bits another new twist in our tale!)

"And there on the next page, they're selling your shoe!"

"A three bedroom boot with a wonderful view!"

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"Here give us a look," said pig number three

And he couldn't believe what it was he could see,

"Our field!" squealed the pig, "Its in here as well,

Under the section "Ready To Sell."

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"He chased us all off just so he can build

Some luxury apartments right there on our field."

B.B. Wolf Properties was on top of the page

At this news our friends flew into a rage.

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"I say let's do something to teach him a lesson

This wolf doesn't realise with whom he is messin'!"

So the pals got together to all hatch a plan

The old woman, the girl and three bits of ham.

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And they had the idea that the three porkies should

Attend builders classes just so they could

Go in disguise to the wolf and then they could build

The brand new apartments on top of their field.

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The Old Woman phoned wolf using a posh business voice

And offered a great deal, wolf was left with no choice

But to go with the builders called "Pork Pies and Supplies'

The very next day the pigs arrived in disguise.

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Three little pigs in disguise as three workers 

To build the apartments (those clever frankfurters!)

But wolf didn't know about a very secret room

That was to be his new home ever so soon.

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The pigs, now fine builders, were working to plan

Chuckling to themselves at their very clever scam.

And in just over a month the piggies were done.

"Now," said the pigs, "Let's start with the fun!"

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"Oh wolf!' called the pigs, "The flats are complete."

"Superb!" said wolf "What an architectural feat!

I really can't wait to take the grand tour

And check out the apartments on every floor.

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"Well here on floor one, as you can see,

We have flats one and two and there's number three.

Now uptake stairs to see what we've done,

Flat four's got a games room!" "My goodness what fun!"

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"Next lets take the lift up one floor to the third

Flat five's got the best speakers you've ever heard.

Now up to the penthouse to flat number six."

(The piggies still giggling at their clever tricks)

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"Flat six!" said the wolf, "But I thought there was five!

Oh my! How delightfu" said Wolf, "What a surprise!"

But as the group reached the very top stair

Wolf was met by a room that looked very bare.

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"Good grief its all empty, no decoration at all,

Not a mirror, nor lamp, nor paint on the wall. 

But worse than all that, in fact worse by far

Is instead of a window there's a great iron bar."

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"In fact, this penthouse looks more like a jail.

I don't think I'll show this when making the sale!"

And just as wolf spoke, he span around,

And saw to his shock no piggies to be found.

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But instead what he saw was a closed iron gate.

With the pigs on the outside. The wolf was irate!

"What do you think you're doing, locking me in here?"

"We've done it" said the piggies, as they laughed and they cheered.

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"We've all had enough of your crooked schemes,

So you can stay here in jail, where we think it seems

Like a good opportunity for you to undergo,

A change in your thinking, whilst we live below.

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And so the little pigs lived happily ever after,

Whilst wolf had to put up with the sound of their laughter

Drifting up to his cell from the flats underneath,

As he paced up and down whilst gnashing his teeth.

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So the pigs were just fine, so that's very good,

But what about the woman and Red Riding Hood?

Well Red she returned to live at her Gran's

Where she smiled whilst remembering the clever pigs plans.

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And the Old Lady? The one that lived in the shoe, 

She was really very clever and knew  just what to do.

She now runs a business that I think you might know.

The one that the wolf ran not so long ago.

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And she builds lots of houses for those sleeping rough

And for herself, as she felt that one shoe wasn't enough 

She built another shoe, and it really does feel,

Like a luxury home to the old woman, in her plush new high heal.

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