You've heard of good old Rudolph

And his famous nose,

But have you heard of Randolph

And how his story goes?

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Rudolph's little brother 

Also had a special nose,

But instead of being bright and red

His grows and grows and grows.

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Now having a big honker,

Might seem to sound ok,

But Randolph's nose was so huge

It just got in the way.

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So try as he might to help,

To pull on Santa's sleigh

They would shout "Oi! Move your snout!"

"Randolph, go away!"

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And so it was with a heavy sigh

That Randolph left the others

For many a year on Christmas Eve

He just hid under covers.

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But this year something different happened

And Santa came to Say

Randolph with your nose so big,

You can't just hide away.

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So your snout is not as good

when working with the others

But you've got a unique gift

As special as your brother's.

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And with those words Rand felt a surge

"I can be heroic too!

There are many people that I can help

Instead of pulling you."

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"That's my boy" said kind Saint Nick

And set him on his way

Up to the sky was Super Randy

Coming to save the day.

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He flew through the sky past land and sea

Until he reached London Town

"There must be people I can help around here,

Everyone wears a frown!"

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And so to pick the lucky ones

He flew nearer to the ground

"I'll see if they need help at Buckingham Palace

To help the queen and crown."

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But he flew into an unusual scene,

Prince Philip arguing with the Queen.

It appeared their car had broken down,

On their way back home from town.

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"Oh blast it dear, we've run out of fuel!"

"I told you we would you silly old fool!

And now we'll be late for dinner with Harry

We've got far too many bags to carry..."

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And as Liz continued

Philip looked to the sky

And to his relief,

He saw there flying by

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Randolph with his bulbous snout

(This should solve old Lizzie's pout!)

"Randolph with your nose so large,

Please push my car to the nearest garage!"

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"I'm only too happy to help you Phil,

I'll sort this out, you just sit and chill!"

"Why," said Phil, "thank you so much Randy

That Schnoz of yours really is quite handy!"

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So with a cheerio and a wave goodbye,

Randolph once more took to the sky

To see who might need a helping hand

And whilst he was looking for a place to land...

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Randolph saw a soggy fella

Who'd left home without an umbrella 

The poor old chap was soaked to the skin

(He was wearing a jacket that was much too thin)

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And as Randolph swooped

to offer sanctuary

He noticed that it was none other

Than young Prince Harry

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On his way to see mum and dad

(Without a date, quite strange for this cad!)

As Randolph landed, himself soaked through

Harry said "Boy , I'm pleased to see you!"

"Randolph with your nose so huge,

Protect me from this awful deluge!"

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So Randolph acted as a hood

And covered Harry so he could

Make his way to see his folks

For a night of Phil's inappropriate jokes.

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Said Harry "Randy you've saved the day!"

"Thank you Harry, now I must away!"

But as he headed towards the door

He saw the queen looking cross once more.

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"Whatever can be the matter Ma'am?"

"It's that old twit Phil, I'm going to cause him harm!"

"He knows its his turn to hang up the washing, 

But he's left it in the basket squashing 

Up all wet and getting creased

He could have hung up my frock at least!

Now I've got nothing to wear

And a queen can't dine in her underwear!

Randolph with your jumbo nose,

Please come and dry my soggy clothes!"

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"Don't worry I'm here, your hero for hire

My nose works well as an industrial drier."

But with one problem solved another one came

In the form of Philip with head hung in shame

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There's a problem love, the oven didn't work

Cause I didn't turn it on.", "Philip, you are a burk!"

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To be continued...

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